somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
