Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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