What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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