Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
