angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
