This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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