Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
