omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
