Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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