WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
