the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
sex in a hospital.. check
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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