you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
