tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
