My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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