Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
