we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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