Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
