dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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