Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
