the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
