i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
