She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
