And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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