Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
