At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
