woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
