Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
