Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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