you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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