Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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