I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
