I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
