i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
