I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I need a beard to bite.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
