Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
