I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
