a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
