Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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