please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
