if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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