Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
