I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
