Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Randomize
