my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
