see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
