ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
