My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
