Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we made out on top of his cat.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
