I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
