Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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