I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
