I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
