You work out of a Hotel?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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