alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
