Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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