She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
